Wisdom from the Trenches

Crime exists in our world, whether we want to acknowledge it or not. Abuse exists in our world, whether we turn a blind eye or not. Trauma exists in our world, whether we talk about it or not. Hurt people in our world walk around as shells of their previous selves, burdened by the shame of a million misconceptions taught over time, and crushed by the weight of a silence so deafening, because it practically screams that it must never be broken.

We’ve been told the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Living in denial about reality and expecting healing to magically happen without being seen or heard is not helping others – and it hasn’t worked. Turning a blind eye to societal issues, social justice disparities, or medical problems has never healed anything in our world. Ever.

I have seen people who have personally been touched by trauma become some of the most incredible allies and advocates for those who have been impacted by trauma – by speaking up. I have seen healed and unhealed victims of trauma trigger and further emotionally wound another trauma victim – with their words. In both instances, I have been both the ally and the trauma victim, the one who offered a hand to help another up and the one who kicked someone while they were down. We live in such a broken world and I am not immune to failing others in my feeble attempts to help. But that does not mean I’m going to shut up and sit down. When it comes to trauma, the last thing our world needs is more silence.

Words are necessary to build the connection that can break the hold shame has on a victim’s life. Sometimes, we humans get things right…and sometimes, we don’t. We are all hot messes, with some good characteristics and some poor choices mixed in together. We try our hardest to do what we think best in the moment. We try hard to form the words that will heal and not hurt. Whether we misunderstand what is needed, or we had a bad day and just don’t have the energy to respond with love in that specific situation, or our words are taken in a wildly different way than we intended, we sometimes miss the mark when we attempt to help others. Words can mar or mend a heart. They are both weapon and salve, depending upon how they are intended and how they are received. Words’ propensity for both good and bad does not mean silence is any better. The wounds silence inflicts are worse because the victim suffers alone. Alone is something we were never meant to be.

Not every encounter I’ve had with people have resulted in what my heart wishes for them. But it doesn’t mean I give up and stop trying. I speak up because I know silence isn’t working, but a voice that has lied dormant for so long is bound to make mistakes along the way. Maya Angelou once said, “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” In this life, we can only give others what we possess to give away. As we strive toward a healthier and stronger version of ourselves, we learn and grow…and are equipped to do better when it comes to helping others. Because we know better, we can do better. Because we know more, we have more to give away. Breaking the crazy cycle that hasn’t been working for us begins with weak steps in a new direction. Forging a new path begins with trial and error because we are no longer blindly following a pattern that was set before us.

Putting words to our pain is not a step back to hold us hostage to the past, but a step forward to release what is imprisoned inside of us. Words break the silence that has held us in solitary confinement for so long. So let’s start a revolution and change the world…with words. Let’s begin to talk about trauma anniversaries, dates that evoke hard core emotional responses because they are tied directly to our deepest woundings. Let’s talk about how wounds heal, but scars remain as permanent evidence that life has not been easy. Let’s talk about lingering memories that hide in shadows for most of our days, but spring into action when the timing is right. At the bare minimum, let’s begin to talk…not to once again walk through our pain but so we no longer walk through pain alone.