Wisdom from the Trenches

In the “Nightmare Before Christmas”, the main character from Halloween Town, Jack Skellington, accidentally happens upon Christmas Town and is enamored by this very different world. Vibrant colors, tiny lights, and joyful singing stand in stark contrast to his world, where inky colors, unlit night, and terrorized screams reign supreme. He sings a song titled, “What’s This?” as he attempts to understand the onslaught of new sights, smells, and sounds.

When our family watches this movie on Halloween, I look forward to this scene because it resonates with me. This new world brightens Jack Skellington’s dampened spirits. Christmas decorations do the same for me. I watch the movie with growing excitement for the day after Halloween, when we put up our Christmas decorations. While most wait until after Thanksgiving, we jump straight into Christmas Town – and everyone who doesn’t understand stands back, perhaps raising an eyebrow, and asks, “What’s this…?” Allow me to explain.

Many years ago, I was struggling through a bout of severe depression with suicidal ideation. I was in the most difficult part of therapy, dealing with the trauma of sexual assault in the military. I experienced frequent flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks. Life for me was dark, terrifying, and I felt no hope for a better future. That year, I woke up on November 1st and I said to my husband, “There is only one good thing about this day. Today is the day stores change from Halloween to Christmas and it makes me happy to see all the twinkling lights.”

My husband’s response shocked me: “If it’s good enough for stores, it’s good enough for us. We’re putting up our tree today!” So we actually did it: we put up our tree that year on the first day of November. And then we did it again the next year. And the next, kicking off a long tradition of switching straight from Halloween to Christmas in our home.

For those who are mildly entertained or greatly confused by my eccentricities, let me explain why my family continued with this new tradition of decorating for Christmas on the first day of November.

First of all, Christmas decorations are pretty and bring me joy. Decorating an artificial tree has nothing to do with my faith, but greenery – even fake greenery – is known to boost people’s moods. My ancestry is primarily northwestern European and I was married in Denmark, so my hygge game is strong when it comes to little twinkling lights, candles, and fires in the fireplace. Hygge is a Danish word that describes the practice of coziness that invokes feelings of contentment and wellness. Traditions, like putting up decorations inside my home, bring up happy memories from years long past, which reminds me that life isn’t always difficult and, in time, will be beautiful once again. Christmas has always brought the promise of hope, and this is something I need most when I am struggling. Much like Jack Skellington, I leave a cold, dark, scary world behind and enter a world all aglow and filled with joy, peace, and love. That always brightens my dampened spirits. Why wouldn’t I want that feeling sooner rather than later?

Secondly, it can take a very long time to decorate. Instead of stressing as we rush to do it all at once, we take our time putting one box of decorations up at a time, when we have the energy. This is particularly important for someone who lacks energy when she is depressed. Added bonus: Once the decor is up, we have a longer time to enjoy the fruits of our labor before we have to tear it all down again. This makes for a much more relaxed Christmas time for us, which changes the whole mood of the entire season. There is no hustle and bustle. There are no mad dashes. There is time to wind down from the busyness of the year, to reflect on our lives before the new year, to plan thoughtful gifts and beautifully wrap them in advance. Most importantly, there is time to focus on my faith, my family, and my friends.

Finally, in creating this tradition as a family, we noticed a wonderful side effect we had not expected: our adopted son remained more calm and controlled during the holidays. After observing the change in him, I began to do some research. I found that fostered and then adopted children often struggle during the holidays because this is a family-centered time and they are grieving the loss of their family of origin. Additionally, a short window of holiday festivities is overstimulating to a child with this background. Constant bombardment of the senses while trying to grapple with ocean-deep emotions will drown most people. We all need time to process how we feel. One approach to help soothe a child during the holiday season is to slow down the busy by elongating the holiday to fit a much larger time frame. This normalizes the decorations, gives time to process deep emotions, spreads out the excitement of activities, and provides much-needed downtime so they can self-regulate when overwhelmed.

By extending Christmas into a two month long event for my sake, we unwittingly helped our youngest cope as well. When we learned about this last bit, we were sold. What had been a temporary fix to get me through a dark time in life became a forever tradition in our family. So pardon me while I put my Christmas tree up on November 1st. It’s what is best for my family. I know many people have super strong feelings about jumping straight into Christmas – something about “skipping Thanksgiving” and other mumbo jumbo. If that is you, allow me to address you directly by quoting Ebenezer Scrooge in The Christmas Carol, “You keep Christmas in your way, and let me keep it in mine.”