Wisdom from the Trenches

Let’s begin by getting some unpleasantries out of the way: We need to normalize setbacks, difficulties, struggles, and trials of many kinds. We need to stop pretending life should always be jovial and pleasant. What did the Dread Pirate Roberts say to the beautiful Princess Buttercup in the movie The Princess Bride? “Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” Even Jesus never promised his followers a false and cheap view of life, filled with rainbows and butterflies all the time. He actually said, “In this life, you will have trouble…” (John 16:33). I’m a Christian and I’m not selling anything, so I’m going to encourage you to take a moment right now to drop the Pollyanna act and begin to fully embrace the fact that life isn’t great all the time. Life is often difficult, messy, comes with a struggle, challenges us, walks us through a trial, and hurts.

I don’t know how many times a hurting individual has said to me (or I, myself, have stated), “It wasn’t supposed to be this way!” In shock, it is normal to feel like this. This statement is actually true. It wasn’t supposed to be this way…and then, evil entered the world, bad choices were made, and we are left to grapple with the fallout: It is this way. Reality is rough. Our grief as we walk through difficult circumstances in this life is real and legitimate.

Can we, for a moment, stop being so uncomfortable around what we have deemed “negative” emotions – and begin to accept the entirety of the human experience as it truly is? Life is bittersweet. It is pleasant and painful, it is filled with loving and loathing, it leaves us giddy and grieving. Life is many things, but it is rarely simple. Those who shelter themselves from the depths of so-called “negative” emotions miss out on the greatest joys in life because happiness is a comparative emotion. Without the lows, we cannot comprehend the highs.

I don’t say this to discourage anyone from truly living. Quite the contrary! I say this to bring a balanced perspective on life that will sustain us when the going gets tough. Don’t misunderstand me…Life has fantastic moments – mountaintop experiences, if you will. But it is often the moments that aren’t so wonderful that shape our character and personality the most, that strengthen us individually and relationally, and that provide the framework or context that helps us appreciate the joys when we encounter them. Without the lows, the highs wouldn’t feel like that big of a deal. We need to broaden our perspective and acknowledge that both the good and the bad serve a purpose in this journey we call life.

As an avid hiker, I love being out in nature and plodding along winding trails that zigzag to the tops of mountains. When I first begin a hike, my body inevitably complains to me about the elevation gain, the pace, the difficulty. These are rarely actual injuries that I should stop to nurse. This is simply my natural propensity to seek comfort and ease, to shelter myself from difficulty and pain. Fortunately, I ignore these petty complaints and press on, one step at a time, to the summit because I know the view is amazing and the feeling of accomplishment will be exhilarating. But it is the hike up, not the view at the top, that strengthens my body, expands my lungs, and builds my resolve to overcome. It is the endorphins released during exercise that make being at the top feel so incredible. It is the difficulty getting there that makes the top so great a place to be.

I am motivated because I know where I am headed, the high point on the trail, is worth the effort to get there. I persevere because I have an accurate view of what the hike will actually be like. I know the length in mileage, the duration in time, the difficulty rating, and the elevation gain/loss. I know my limitations and that I will likely stop to rest along the way – and I know that the break does not mean I’ve failed. The steps may be painfully slow at times, I may be gasping for air and barely clinging to hope sometimes, forward progress may cease for a bit, but I am committed to the direction I have chosen and I know that every step I take to that end matters. Every step I take makes me a stronger and healthier person. Every step counts.

Likewise, in life, we often know intrinsically that the future is worth the effort to get there, but we need to remember that it is the difficulty during the journey through life itself that ultimately makes us stronger. We need to acknowledge that the challenges along the way are what make the achievements and highlights meaningful. To persevere, we need to have a realistic view on life, fully aware that there will be pitfalls, ups, and downs. Because there will be. This is life. As a society, we need to embrace the belief that pausing along our journey does not equate to failure. We can always get back up. We can choose to continue on. We can finish that thing we started, whenever we decide to begin again if we do not let the natural rhythm of life dissuade us from putting one foot in front of the other. Our progress might slow, we may be riddled with self-doubt along the way, but if we stay committed to our goals, every step in that direction will steadily bring us closer to achieving our dreams. Every step makes us stronger and wiser. Every step counts.