Wisdom from the Trenches

I have a birth defect that tries to kill me every so often. All last year, I dealt with serious health issues. I couldn’t eat and then I had to make a radical change to my diet that I later found out needs to be permanent. I am learning to manage a condition for as long as I can to avoid really drastic measures that would ultimately cause more problems for me in the future. I am taking small steps daily to stay healthy and it is work, but my physical health is worth it. Although I am on a restricted diet, I am much happier because I am no longer physically suffering.

And then, as life does sometimes, everything seemed to fall apart in all the peripheral areas of my life. Because when it rains, it pours. So I took a break last year to also focus on my mental health: I prayed. I reached out to friends. I went off social media for a time. I met with church leadership. They thought perhaps I had hit burnout and suggested professional counseling! So I went back into counseling well before I hit the depths of despair – and it was the best decision I could have made. I am grateful to attend a church that believes in seeking medical assistance for mental health issues. I attended all my doctor appointments and asked all the pertinent questions. I planned fun activities. I watched Hallmark movies with my husband. I did the things that brought me happiness in the past and my joy eventually came back to me. I took all these little steps daily to care for my mental health before it completely fell apart and, because I did, my mental health didn’t come crashing down. It was a lot of work, but my mental health is worth the effort. I am much happier because I am no longer mentally and emotionally struggling.

When things go haywire – physically or mentally or both – and I struggle worse than I usually do, sometimes even the smallest things can seem overwhelming. Taking one step at a time and eliminating excess stressors helps a great deal. In the case of my intestines, my doctors order that I resort to a liquid diet because my body is struggling to process what is currently overwhelming its systems. In the case of my central nervous system, my doctors order that I cut back on obligations that threaten a brain that is struggling to process emotional overwhelm. In both cases, I must remove the pressure inherent with everyday activities I normally don’t struggle to do! The answer to both problems is to simplify my life. This gives my body time to locate what isn’t working well and address it head-on before it completely destroys my overall health. And that is what I did.

It took a long time to begin to see my need for a break as valid or relevant. I was taught by the military to “suck it up and drive on.” I was taught by America that “there’s no crying in baseball” (a statement that society uses as synonymous with life itself). I was taught by others to “quit being such a baby.” Sitting in an uncomfortable emotion with curiosity, long enough to learn something of worth, wasn’t part of my innate nature and it certainly wasn’t something I was taught until I began therapy in my thirties. Uncomfortable emotions were seen as bad and bad emotions were to be avoided through excess busywork (read: productive distraction)…until I realized that no one who held this belief was living a truly full and satisfactory life!

I realized that in order for my life to be different from everyone around me, I would need to change my perspective on mental health treatment to embrace that the brain is an organ and, as such, needs medical professionals when it isn’t operating as it should. I would need to alter my approach to life in general to reflect that I am not designed to be a robot…I’m a person. And I would need to accept that all of this would begin by becoming comfortable around ALL of my emotions because there are no “good” or “bad” emotions, there are only “comfortable” and “uncomfortable” emotions – and even these terms are subjective.

Life happens, and it is a doozy sometimes, but intentional living really does get me through the darkest valley and marches me right back into the light much more quickly that denying, repressing, or avoiding my mental and physical health conditions ever could. This isn’t a new message and probably does not come as a shock to you, but it isn’t something that is often discussed (at least not in my circles), so I mention it often. My birth defect reminds me frequently enough that life is fragile, short, and precious. My mental health reminds me fairly often that happiness is fleeting, but joy truly comes in the aftermath of facing more uncomfortable emotions. Perhaps this is why I am so adamant about addressing the things in life that are holding people back (with eyes and hearts wide open) in order to cultivate a life worth living. So with all the wisdom my relatively short life has amassed, allow me to drop this truth bomb into your lap:

You only have this one life to live – that’s a fact. You will have troubles in this life – that’s reality. Making it the best life you can – that’s a choice.

Life will knock you down, throw you curveballs, and shake you to the core with grief at times; but life also brings mountaintop joy-filled experiences, beauty that is awesome to behold, and real love that is humbling to feel. To fully engage in this bittersweet life, with its incredible highs and deepest lows and everything in between, your health (body, mind, emotional and spiritual) is very much worth your dedicated time, focus, and energy.

Because I have walked thru some of the darkest valleys both physically and emotionally, I know very well that tomorrow is not a given. This concept doesn’t depress me. Even if I did want to live forever, I won’t. I have come to accept my mortality. Rather, this perspective spurs me on to do all the things I want to do before I leave this Earth. In comparison to the age of the Earth, my time here is short. How short, I probably will not know until it is far too late. I don’t want to reach that day and look back on a life filled with choices I regret. So I take the step to heal today. I put in the effort to become stronger today. I do the things that will show results in my life today – but all of this is done with my future self in mind. THIS is courageous living – moving boldly forward one step at a time. THIS is how we heal – making choices today that manifest results in our tomorrows. This is FAITH – living intentionally now with hope for a brighter future.