Wisdom from the Trenches

I watched the The Chosen’s season 3 episode ”Two By Two” last week. When Jesus gathered his disciples to talk to them about sending them out to heal others and to tell about Christ, I felt a strong pull to watch the man nicknamed Little James. He is barely on screen at all during the meeting. He says not one word. I turned to my husband and said, “He’s really struggling with something, but he isn’t talking…”

Then, they disperse.

In the series, Little James has difficulty walking. After the meeting in this episode, Little James finds Jesus and begins talking. He is concerned about going out to heal others when he himself isn’t healed of lameness. Jesus has healed lame men, but has not healed THIS lame man. Jesus has not healed his own disciple. Jesus asks if Little James wants to be healed and James answers yes, but he wants to know why Jesus hasn’t healed him earlier. Jesus’ response is simply, “Because I trust you.”

Jesus goes on to say, “I need you to listen to me very carefully because what I am going to say defines your whole life to this point and will define the rest of your life.” I stepped closer to the TV and stood inches from the screen.

“In the Father’s Will, I could heal you – right now. And you’d have a good story to tell, yes?” Little James replies, “Yes, that you do miracles.” Jesus goes on to say, “ And that’s a good story. But there are already dozens who can tell that story. And there will be hundreds more…even thousands! But think of the story that you have, especially in this journey to come if I don’t heal you. To know how to proclaim that you still praise God in spite of this. To know how to focus on all that matters, so much more than the body. To show people you can be patient with your suffering here on Earth because you know you will spend eternity with no suffering. Not everyone can understand that. How many people do you think the Father and I trust this with?” Little James was chosen for this special assignment because he does not need healing to believe in Jesus or to draw near to God the Father. Little James is strong enough to live boldly in a broken life and yet, keep a soft and loving heart for others and for God. Jesus tells Little James that God isn’t looking for physical perfection in His followers – He is looking at the heart. Jesus promises that Little James WILL be healed, then adds, “It’s only a matter of time.”

I stood there and bawled like a baby because this spoke to my soul. I sometimes feel like I am looked down upon because I am NOT totally healed. I still struggle with depression, anxiety, and PTSD at times. These very things I struggle with have been used against me – never by God, but instead by humans who think faith should look perfect on the outside here on Earth at all times. But this was my reminder that ANYONE could be totally healed and easily scream it from the mountaintops! That story is exciting and could be told a thousand times over. It takes a different type of person to NOT be totally healed, but still love God and point others to Him.

Listen, I know God is good…not because He has healed me of everything in the exact way I think I ought to be healed, but because He is WITH me, in good times and in bad. He helps me every day overcome difficulties others can only imagine. He is my Rock. He is my ever present help in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1). I have faith in Him not because He gives me everything I ask for, like some genie in a bottle…but because I have learned through my life experiences that He is trustworthy, loving, gracious, and kind. God is not the reason this happened to me. A fallen, flawed man did this to me. But God will heal me. It’s only a matter of time. Until then, I wait – as do many others.

There is a chapter in Hebrews that is heralded as “The Faith Chapter”. It chronicles the Bible greats, the steps they took in faith to follow God, and ends with this, “These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised,” ‭‭(Hebrews‬ ‭11‬:‭39‬ ‭NIV‬). NONE. OF. THEM.

The point of that chapter is this: These people are considered faithful because they continued to move forward in faith DESPITE the fact that they did not receive what they were promised, they did not receive what they hoped for, they did not receive what they believed would be best in life. They believed even though they did NOT see.

THAT is faith. This is so important to talk about in The Church because not every believer is fully healed in this life of every physical malady. If people were always healed of everything, we would not struggle with illness, we would not age, we would not die. We would not have believers in this world who have autism, PTSD, Down’s Syndrome, or diabetes. If everyone was always healed, we wouldn’t have Jordan Walker Ross, the actor who plays Little James and who has cerebral palsy. Jordan Walker Ross’ limp is not faked on the set of The Chosen – it is his real limp. Mr. Ross has severe scoliosis and minor cerebral palsy. It is precisely because his disability is not healed, but instead was written into the script, that has made his testimony so powerful to me and to so many others. You can read more about the incredible Jordan Walker Ross here.

Perhaps healing is a little bit more than getting what we want all the time. Maybe healing is even more than tangible miracles in this lifetime. What if complete healing is a process that ventures beyond skin deep and touches our hearts? What if total healing is not immediate, but instead takes time – would it still be worth the wait? Would your faith survive if your healing was delayed – or if it never came in this lifetime? Everything Wisdom From the Trenches stands for and everything I’m trying to say through this blog post boils down to this: Dear reader, if things do not look the way you envisioned in this life right now, but you are still clinging to faith in Jesus…keep holding on. Your faith is stronger than you think.