Wisdom from the Trenches

People often seem to have a love/hate relationship with New Year’s resolutions. And why shouldn’t they? Gym people who commit to frequent workouts all year are temporarily displaced for the first month or two of each new year by well-intentioned and starry-eyed folks who have resolved to focus on fitness. For weeks, family & friends have to listen to the resolute hyperfocus of their loved one who has chosen diet as a focus for the new year. Ah, the evils of gluten…or meat…or dairy…We all have watched someone struggle to maintain a new routine to meet a goal that isn’t really realistic or to hit some standard that wasn’t spelled out in the first place. They eventually fail or quit and return to their old ways, only to be presented with the prospect of another new year at the end of the present one. And the cycle repeats.

Statistically speaking, the practice of setting New Year’s resolutions is disheartening. Numerous studies indicate that over thirty percent of resolution makers quit within the first seven days and that 91% fail to make it to the end of the year. That’s right: only nine percent of resolution makers actually follow through with their original intentions, making “New Year, New You” a ridiculous statement, applicable only to a select few.

Watching all this play out and go down in Titanic-level proportions are the naysayers and haters…the folks who simply abhor goals and resolutions for various reasons. But you know what they say: Haters gonna hate, man.

If resolutions help you aim to become a better version of yourself, even if you “fail” in the long run, you temporarily improve who you are. I submit to you, for your active consideration, the year I resolved to hike 500 miles in one year. This wasn’t an unreasonable goal…I am an avid hiker. But I’m not a 500-mile-in-one-year avid hiker, so it was a stretch for me. My mom, also an avid hiker, dedicated herself to 500 miles in one year – and completely blew past that goal with ease by the end of the year. Held back by numerous walking injuries, I did not reach my magic number by the end of the year. At first, I was disappointed that I missed my year-end goal by less than ten miles. It took a hot minute for me to realize that, while I technically failed, I hiked 493 miles MORE in 365 short days than most people hike in a lifetime! I failed…and yet, I was in better shape, I was more confident, I had made so many memories, and I was happy. I had simultaneously failed AND succeeded.

This realization revolutionized my perspective on New Year’s resolutions or goals, whatever you would like to call them. Maybe – just maybe – the entire point isn’t to reach some magic number or perfectly fulfill some ridiculous standard or even to forever adhere to this new thing you choose to focus on. Perhaps resolutions or goals are about a renewed dedication to self-improvement, something we should all continually strive for on a daily basis. And what better time to recommit to becoming 1% better every day than when we are presented with the fresh slate provided at the start of each new year?

I started this blog in 2021 for the very specific purpose of helping those who struggle with mental health issues by writing about the wisdom I’ve gained in my ongoing battle with complex PTSD and clinical depression. My goal was (and continues to be) to publish at least one blog each week. While I failed miserably at meeting this goal, I published thirteen blogs posts last year, a number notably larger than zero! That’s thirteen more blog posts published about topics I am incredibly passionate about than I would have written if I had not started at all. Perhaps I am moving at a snail’s pace, but I am moving forward and that is what matters most: forward progress.

I know so many friends who choose a word – one word – as an overarching theme for the year ahead of them. Last year, I wrote down “HEALTH”, figuring I would focus primarily on diet and exercise. I didn’t know what kind of storm was headed my way. My health took a turn for the worse last year and I struggled greatly with severe medical issues that had me visiting a hospital more times than I would have liked. Oh, I focused on my health last year for sure. Tests were run, results were analyzed, scares were experienced. Yes, my diet was radically altered…but not in the way I initially imagined. What I learned this past year is this: If you do the word thing, choose your word wisely…In all seriousness, I learned that sometimes life throws you a curveball. When it comes to goals or resolutions, it is beneficial to keep an open mind and heart for the things that are beyond your control, like injuries and health issues, and pivot when pivoting is necessary.

Speaking of pivoting, my favorite annual goal I ever made was to take each month in 2017 to fully dedicate myself to the study and practice of a concept. I started the year focused on rest. Yes. REST. Not just sleep…don’t narrow this down to something it isn’t: REST. For each month, I read at least one book about the concept, listened to TED Talks and/or podcasts, and put it into practice. I became an expert on twelve things that year and I never grew tired of implementing my goal because it changed every few weeks to a new thing, which peaked my interest and renewed my commitment once again. Sometimes, frequently changing things up is the secret sauce that makes goals and resolutions more palatable. You know what Mary Poppins taught us: “A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down!”

Listen, goals or resolutions or whatever you want to call them aren’t for everyone. Some people loathe the concept because it burdens them with expectations. Others are motivated to do great things with the concept because it keeps them focused and holds them accountable. Perspective is part of it, but not all. Life circumstances play a large part in the success of setting and reaching goals. It’s important to be realistic if you set annual goals, but it’s also important to be flexible enough to roll with the punches life throws at you. Give yourself grace if you fail and encourage yourself to get back up and try again one more time. Because…

Progress isn’t perfect.

Success isn’t straightforward.

Failure isn’t forever.

At this time of year, if goals are not your thing…don’t set them. But don’t rain on everyone else’s parade. Goals just might be the thing that helps someone else drag themselves out of a deep depression or, even if they fail, it might be the very thing that still improves their life, refocuses them onto their true purpose, or drives them to give themselves a second chance for once and try again. You never know. I am a goal setter. For the sake of my health, goals and resolutions keep me future focused so I have something to look forward to, they keep me moving forward so I feel a sense of accomplishment, and they motivate me toward a better life – a life WORTH LIVING, which is so important for my mental state.

To kick off 2023, I will leave you with this, dear reader: If you are a goal setter or a resolution maker, aim for the STARS…for even if you miss, you will reach greater heights than if you never tried at all.

Here’s to an awesome 2023, friends!
If you are a goal setter, what goals have you set?