Wisdom from the Trenches

Perhaps it was foolish optimism or perhaps it was denial-based living that prompted me to create a self-improvement accountability group at the onset of the COVID lockdown, but regardless of where the urge came from, I firmly believe that my heart was in the right place at the time. My thought process led me to conclude that, since we all needed to socially distance in our own homes, we could take this time for self-improvement. I incorrectly assumed that the changes necessary to combat this virus would eventually disappear. Starry-eyed and dreamy, I stared into the void of an uncertain future and thought, Why not come out of this as better versions of ourselves?

So, I began a small Facebook group called “No Excuses Success Circle”. The premise was simple: let’s use this time during lockdown to pursue our goals and dreams. Let’s launch that organization. Let’s write that book. Let’s lose the weight. Let’s check that item off the bucket list. Whatever it was that people were wanting to work on, the group was there to encourage others to take that step of faith and to find support for following their dreams at the same time. I really honestly believed we would collectively emerge from this more enlightened, more accomplished people.

Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. Months far surpassed the one year mark. And here we are, still facing this thing. I’ve long abandoned encouraging others to become better versions of themselves on that forum because what seemed so attainable in the blissful ignorance of the true impact this virus would have on our world and our future is now like a sunset – a waning glimmer of hope on the distant horizon, slowly sinking from view. While I know night must come for our dreams to come alive, the goal of self-improvement has been replaced by an immediate need for self-care. Our world is facing a mental health crisis the likes of which we have never before seen. There are not enough mental health care professionals to help a world that is rapidly falling apart. We are struggling with depression at astronomical rates. The cry for help has never been so deafening.

Whether you believe that this pandemic is a hoax or you have seen the face of this pandemic in a loved one that has passed away from it, I think we can all agree that our world has seen a massive shift and weathered changes never experienced before for several generations. Pandemic aside, the grief over what we have lost – loved ones, opportunities, daily routines, sources of income, health – has overwhelmed us and so many of us are struggling just to keep ourselves afloat. Such is the level of damage in our lives that it’s near impossible for so many to even fathom a better tomorrow. Somewhere along the way last year, my own grand aspirations devolved into damage control and I struggled simply to maintain the progress I had previously made in my mental health journey. Self-care seemed like a much more realistic goal and yet, even that was so incredibly difficult. I began to think of myself as a failure for my apparent “inability” to move forward unfazed by sufferings around me.

If this resonates with you and you feel discouraged by where you are in life right now, hear me out. Reality was never meant to be disregarded. What we are going through in our world today is bringing up so many emotions for so many people and those feelings must be faced in order to thrive. Our victory is won by facing the battle, not by ignoring the battle exists. Every morning we rise for a new day, every time we make our beds, every time we stand in the shower and cry, every meal we eat or simply stare at blankly, every moment we share with others or in the solitude of our own room is a moment we fight to live and, without really knowing it, we are building perseverance. We don’t need to take on the world to become a better version of ourselves, we just need to stand firm in the battle raging around and within us. In a world obsessed with constantly striving for perfection, we radically underestimate the transformative power of staying – staying present and feeling the emotion in the moment, staying strong by facing each day even when we feel weak, and staying alive to make it to the next day…and the next.

I write to you not as someone who has been magically cured of the internal strife, but as someone who battles alongside you. If you are here today, you are stronger and more resilient than you were over a year ago. Why? Because you have boldly faced every day and you have made it thus far. Perseverance is not a character quality just everyone obtains. It is not cultivated when life is peaceful. It is not convenient to acquire. It is not glamorous as it develops in you. Perseverance is the hard-won power to withstanding the test of time by relentlessly standing strong as we face each and every day. Maybe you have only done one thing each day this past year and a half and maybe that one thing was just survive, but you did one thing each day and it was enough to sustain you to the present moment. In the process, through the difficulties in our world today, you have developed tenacious perseverance and the depth of character necessary to face anything that comes your way and stand victorious.

And that is no small accomplishment.

“…we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. ”

– Romans 5:3-4